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译出自己的范儿

翻译工作,无论从口译还是笔译的角度来看,都是一个杂家需要我们对不同类型的知识都有所顾及。同一词汇,在不同知识、领域及文体背景下,译文用词也有所不同。

 

一、一词多义

1make

Make的不同词性存在以下意义:

vt.   做、制造;生产、制定、使成为、使产生;

vi.   开始;尝试;行进;增大;

n.    制造;生产量;性格;形状、样式;

如果只考虑表面意义,在翻译使的时候,总会第一个想到make",但由于语义的细微差别,在某些语境中甚至会歪曲原文意思,词不达意。多数情况下,我们可以把使转换为实义词。

1如果一种液体的浮力不足以使放置于其中的物体浮起,该物体便会下沉。

原译:If the buoyant force of a liquid is not sufficient to make an object placed in it float, the object sinks.

改译1If the buoyant force of a liquid is not sufficient to float an object placed in it, the object sinks.使转换为实义动词)

改译2The object sinks if the buoyant force of a liquid is not sufficient to float it. (改变句子结构,主句前置,条件句后置;使转换为实义动词)

2这一过程所需要的温度,低于使该金属融化所需要的温度。

原译:The temperature needed for this process is lower than that needed to make this metal melt.

改译1The temperature needed for this process is lower than that needed to melt this metal.使转换为实义动词)

改译2The temperature needed for this process is lower than the melting temperature of this metal.使转换为实义名词)

 

讨论案例1在排放测试前,应采取适当措施对测试车辆进行预热处理,使冷却液温度达到80℃以上。

初译:Appropriate measures shall be taken to preheat the inspected vehicle before the emission test so as to make the coolant temperature to above 80℃.

方案1Appropriate measures shall be taken to preheat the inspected vehicle before the emission test so as to increase the coolant temperature to above 80℃.使转换为实义动词)

方案2Appropriate measures shall be taken to preheat the inspected vehicle before the emission test, making/raising/increasing the coolant temperature to above 80℃.(改变句式)

方案3Before the emission test, the vehicle to be tested shall be preheated in a proper way, making the temperature of coolant be 80 or above.

方案4Before the emission test, appropriate measures shall be taken to preheat the inspected vehicle until the coolant is above 80.(改变句式,使逻辑关系更紧密;使转换为时间状语从句)

 

讨论案例2将可调限流器放在适当的位置,启动鼓风机,使系统稳定,记录所有仪器显示的数据。

初译:Place the adjustable restrictor in an appropriate position, activate the blower, stabilize the system, and record the data displayed by all instruments.

方案1Place the adjustable restrictor in an appropriate position, activate and keep the blower operating until the system becomes stable, and record the data displayed by all instruments. (基于时间关系整合两个半句;使转换为时间状语从句)

方案2Place the adjustable restrictor in an appropriate position, and activate the blower; when the system becomes stable/is stabilized (或者:after the system stabilizes, record the data displayed by all instruments.(明确时间关系)

 

讨论案例3一方面,要引导和培育企业家,使其认识到树立长期导向的经营理念的关键意义。

初译:On the one hand, it is necessary to guide and cultivate entrepreneurs to make them realize the key significance of establishing the business philosophy of long-term orientation.

方案1On the one hand, it is necessary to guide and cultivate entrepreneurs to realize the key significance of establishing the business philosophy of long-term orientation.使转换为实义动词)

方案2On the one hand, it is necessary to guide and cultivate entrepreneurs to increase their awareness of the key significance of long-term-oriented business philosophy.

方案3On the one hand, it is necessary to guide and cultivate entrepreneurs so that they are aware of the key significance of long-term-oriented business philosophy.(修改句式,使转换为so that引导的目的状语从句;更正“长期导向的经营理念”的含义)

方案4On the one hand, it is necessary to guide and cultivate entrepreneurs to acquaint the key significance of long-term-oriented business philosophy.使转换为实义动词)

方案5On the one hand, it is necessary to guide and cultivate entrepreneurs, causing them to realize the key significance of long-term-oriented business philosophy.

 

讨论案例4 inerting向有粉尘爆炸危险的场所充入惰性物质,使粉尘\空气混合物失去爆炸性的技术。

初译:inerting: a technology to make the dust/air mixture lose explosiveness by filling inert substance to the areas subject to dust explosion hazards

方案1inerting: a technology to reduce/remove/eliminate the explosiveness of the dust/air mixture by filling inert substance to the areas subject to dust explosion hazards

方案2inerting: a technology to deprive the dust/air mixture of explosiveness by filling inert substance to the areas subject to dust explosion hazards

 

以上4个讨论案例给出了多个解决方案,语义得以修正,句子结构和用词得以丰富。

 

此外,翻译使...成为概念时,大多使用“make...become/be"的结构,实际上去掉"become"才是地道的英语。(汉语存在语义冗余,英语应做到简洁)

3和大众汽车公司一样,通用选择上海作为自己的基地,从而使汽车制造成为这个东方大都市的重要支柱产业。

原译:Like Volkswagen, it has chosen Shanghai as its base, making car manufacturing become the mainstay of the eastern metropolis.

改译:Like Volkswagen, it has chosen Shanghai as its base, making car manufacturing the mainstay of the eastern metropolis.

 

2advise

vt. 建议;劝告,忠告;通知;警告

vi. 建议;与商量

advise sb of sth

be advised of sth

is advised that 建议、知悉

4Tenderer shall advise COMPANY of the list of computer systems (software and hardware) it intends to use.

初译:投标人应对本公司计划使用的计算机系统(软件和硬件)清单提出建议

改译:投标人应告知本公司其计划使用的计算机系统(软件和硬件)清单。

分析:英语中采用“advise”,表面看似为建议,实际在标书中也是对义务的规定,翻译成汉语时,要考虑将约束性语义体现出来。

5Tenderer is advised that, in the event of a contract award, certified originals of all Tenderer's insurances will be required by COMPANY within 14 days of the Commencement Date and that Tenderer is bound by the insurance provisions set out in the Agreement.

初译:建议投标人,在合同授予的情况下,公司将在开工日期的14日内要求所有投标人保险的认证原件,并且投标人受本协议中规定的保险条款的约束。

改译1投标人应知悉,授予合同后,本公司将于开工日期前十四(14)天内要求投标人提供所有经核证保险单原件,并且投标人受协议中规定的保险条款的约束。

改译2投标人应知悉,合同签署后,本公司将于开工日期前十四(14)天内要求投标人提供所有经核证保险单原件,并且投标人应符合保险条款的规定

分析:明确规定了投标人的义务,语义更明确、直接,也更符合汉语表达。

 

3submit

vi.   顺从,服从;甘受,忍受;

vt.   使服从,使顺从;提交,呈送; []主张,建议;

6This bond shall be governed by and construed in accordance with the laws of the Arab Republic of Egypt and the courts of Regional Cairo shall have exclusive jurisdiction with regard to all matters arising from or in connection with this bond and for such purpose we irrevocably submit to the jurisdiction of such courts.

初译:该履约保函应受阿拉伯埃及共和国法律管辖并按其解释,开罗地区法院对因本履约保函产生或与之相关的所有事项拥有专属管辖权,为此,我方在这些法院的管辖权内进行不可撤销提交。

改译1:本履约保函应适用阿拉伯埃及共和国法律并按其解释,开罗地区法院对因本履约保函产生的或与之相关的所有事项(事宜)拥有专属管辖权;为此,我方不可撤销地服从上述法院的管辖

分析:一般情况下,submit在合同中,通常有两层含义:(1)提交;(2)服从。依据具体语境确定submit的含义。

 

4satisfaction

n.    满足,满意,舒服;妥善处理;(债务的)清偿;(伤害的)赔偿

7any intermediate payment or other satisfaction made by us;

初译:我方作出的任何中期付款或其它满意事件

改译:我方作出的任何中期付款或其它清偿

分析:satisfaction在法律(合同)英语中的常用含义是清偿(债务)或履行(义务)。

 

二、翻译中的数字游戏——“(考虑基数问题)

翻译人员必须具备一定的数学计算能力和逻辑能力

8A高于B10倍(解析:A>B×10

原译:A is 10 times higher than B.(解析:A-B=10BA=B×11

改译1A is greater than 10 times (of) B.

同等于:A is greater than B×10.

高于在这个关系中表达一个范围值。

翻译时务必理清大小关系以及是范围值还是确切值。

 

类似大小倍数关系还有:

9AB10

A-B=10B

A is 10 times higher than B

A is 11 times (of) B

10AB0.5

A=B×0.5

A is 0.5 times B

A is equal to B/2.

 

三、摆脱单纯的罗列,注重逻辑关系

以下翻译案例侧重译文仅按字面,主语不合逻辑的问题:

11a——集中荷载沿梁跨度方向的支承长度(mm)对钢轨上的轮压可取50mm

初译:a——the bearing length for the concentrated load in the direction of the beam span, mm, and the wheel pressure on the rail may be 50mm;

改译:a——the bearing length for the concentrated load in the direction of the beam span, which may be 50mm for the wheel pressure on the rail, mm;

分析:句子成分选取错误。50mm肯定说的不是压力值,这是一个确定主语的依据。

 

12:在重级工作制吊车梁中,中间横向加劲肋亦应在腹板两侧成对布置,而中、轻级工作制吊车梁则可单侧设置或两侧错开设置。

初译:In the heavy-duty crane beam, the intermediate transverse stiffener shall also be arranged in pairs on both sides of the web, while the medium and light-duty crane beams may be arranged at one side or staggered at both sides.

改译1In the heavy-duty crane beam, the intermediate transverse stiffeners shall also be arranged in pairs on both sides of the web, while in the medium- and light-duty crane beams, the intermediate transverse stiffeners may be arranged on one side or on both sides in a staggered way.

分析:在第二个半句中补充(重复)主语进行翻译。

改译2The intermediate transverse stiffeners shall be arranged in pairs on both sides of the web in the heavy-duty crane beam, and may be arranged on one side or both sides of the web in a staggered way in the medium- and light-duty crane beams.

分析:将主语提前,后面分别叙述两种情况。

改译3Heavy-duty crane beam shall also be provided with intermediate transverse stiffeners in pairs on both sides of web, while medium- or light-duty crane beam may be provided with those on one side or both sides of the web in a staggered way.

分析:重新划定句子成分。原文状语从句中的名词做译文主语,原文中的主语做宾语,使用被动语态表达。

 

讨论案例5:断路器及其操动机构的安装应垂直、牢固,底座或支架与基础间的调平垫片不宜超过三片,加垫厚度:断路器不应大于10 mm,操动机构不应大于20 mm,且各垫片间应焊接牢固。

初译:The installation of the circuit breaker and its operating device shall be vertical and firm. There shall be no more than 3 leveling gaskets between the base or bracket and the foundation. For the padding thickness: the circuit breaker shall be no more than 10mm and the operating device shall be no more than 20mm, and the gaskets shall be welded firmly.句子成分选取错误

方案1The circuit breaker and its operating device shall be installed vertically and firmly. There should be no more than 3 leveling gaskets between the base or bracket and the foundation. The padding thickness shall be no more than 10mm for circuit breaker and 20mm for the operating device; and the gaskets shall be welded firmly.

分析:仅表达了大概意思,缺少逻辑性,单纯罗列了各个半句。

方案2The circuit breaker and its operating device shall be installed vertically and firmly. There should be no more than 3 leveling gaskets, which shall be welded firmly, between the base or bracket and the foundation, with a total thickness of no more than 10mm for circuit breaker and 20mm for the operating device.

方案3The circuit breaker and its operating device shall be installed vertically and firmly, and a maximum of 3 firmly-welded leveling gaskets are allowed between the base or bracket and the foundation for a thickness of up to 10mm for circuit breaker and up to 20mm for the operating device.

方案4The circuit breaker and its operating device shall be installed vertically and firmly, by virtue of not more than 3 leveling gaskets securely welded together of not more than 10mm for circuit breaker and not more than 20mm for operating device in total thickness between the base or bracket and the foundation.

方案5The circuit breaker and its operating device shall be installed vertically and firmly, with a maximum of 3 firmly welded leveling gaskets between the base or bracket and the foundation, at a total thickness no more than 10mm and 20mm for circuit breaker and for the operating device respectively.

分析:方案2-5中,总体考量了整句含义,突出了主句。

 

结语:

长句翻译时,特别是多个逗号间隔的句子,首先读通原文,不要拘泥于当前的半句或一句话,要考虑到整段及前后文的背景,找对各个半句间的逻辑关系(因果、递进、转折、并列),忌按逗号罗列;此外,离谓语动词最近的名词不见得就是主语。


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